“Just leave…” the voice would say. “C’mon, just go. Get the hell outta here!”

But my legs were like lead. My stomach tight. I was paralyzed.

What would I do? I couldn’t just walk out. I barely had enough money to cover the month’s rent — much less my phone, groceries, bills, etc.

I hated that I was willing to put up with the abuse —the bullshit! — of a boss that continued to make every effort to embarrass me, challenge me, and basically make my life a living hell.

The record in my head “Just leave. Get the hell outta here.” And with each play, a piece of me seemed to die.

I didn’t leave, . I stayed.

I hated myself. I know, it’s not what I wanted to believe, but that’s what I felt. I was angry for the willingness to let my needs for security override a faith in myself and the bigger vision I so desperately longed for. And this broke my heart. It eroded the belief that anything was possible — for me.

Memories of my mother’s frustration and my father’s quiet and aloof disappointment about money passed through my mind. I was caught in a loop, how could I break it?

Why was I so weak? Why could I not figure it out?

The dread, the anger, the frustration, the sadness, the disappointment. How did I get here? How do I change this?

Deep down, I knew I could, but I started to lose the connection to that part of me that knew anything was possible and if I wanted it, I could make it happen….but I was losing sight of what I wanted. I was becoming disillusioned.

And that scared me.

If I didn’t know what I wanted anymore, then I would lose that inner compass to guide me.

The self-doubt. The second-guessing. The self-recrimination was building with each day that passed. The inner critic was that which woke me each morning and put me to bed.

I wanted to finally pass through the corridor of my fears and get to the other side. I wanted to finally connect to those inspirational quotes of truth I could not deny that echoed in my mind but seemed to become a faint whisper of what I had somehow left behind.

I had to get back.

Your current values are the things that are most important to you right now. The things that are driving you. The things that you really want underneath the things you think you want. Underneath all of your goals is what you think that goal is going to give you.

Some people look at their current values and say — maybe if security wasn’t so high on my list, I might be more willing to take more risk…or maybe fun should be a little bit higher up the list than it has been because I don’t have fun anymore!

But if you currently believe that you can’t have fun until the work is done, you’ll never be able to have it.

I valued security despite what I wanted to believe. I resisted this even though it was the very weight that kept me in my chair as that repeating voice chastised me — yes, it was vicious!

I read the books, I listened to audios, I visuaIized, I did hypnosis, I could rationalize what I needed to do, but something wasn’t budging.

We have to understand what our values are, they are the set of beliefs which control our actions.They dictate what we are likely to choose naturally because it feels right and we are attracted to do it.

This is very important to understand. Once we understand what our values are –our beliefs, we can understand where the conflict lies.

The conflict is what keeps us stuck. The corridor of opposites. I was ricocheting between wanting security and recognition. I needed to resolve this. I had to get under the deeper belief. My deep need for security that continued to keep me living small. I could not convince myself.

I was able to finally change these deeper beliefs by working on the mind- BODY-emotional connection. I had to penetrate that inner programming that was spinning me in place. I got over my obsessive need for security so I could start thinking bigger, bolder, connecting to my bigger vision with confidence.

This is how I got on the other side of my fear. This is what very few people are talking about. We listen to the motivational speakers — there are so many to choose from! — but what is really going to get you to truly shift? What is really going to get you to crack that belief that no longer serves you?

This is what I asked.

The choice is yours.

Know your power.